Can We Talk?

 

As my Election Day burnout is slowly starting to fade and I will my overstressed jaw to unclench, I think it's time we have a talk. 

A real talk. Not an insult-fest. Not a recitation of the propaganda that's been ricocheting across the airwaves for the last few months. Not an opportunity for us to convince each other that we're the one who is actually right. 

I'm just really confused about some things and have been too shy and in fear of conflict to ask.

Laying it out there, I voted for Kamala Harris this election and about half of my friends and loved ones voted for Donald Trump.

My political background: I registered to vote in 1992, the very week I turned 18. I did not register under either party. It was an election year and I voted for George H.W. Bush against Bill Clinton.

For most of my twenties, I was heavily influenced by the Christian church and Christian talk radio. Therefore, having voted Republican in most presidential elections, with the Democrats receiving a few of my votes in lower-ranking government positions.

In my thirties, the "scales had fallen from my eyes" (as the religious love to say) and I started to think more clearly and independently. Taking in media from both sides, while still maintaining a faith in God, and realizing that my true heart and conscience leaned socially left.

My first Democratic presidential vote was for Barack Obama's second term. And, as of yesterday, I have voted Democrat in each presidential election since.

The Trump Era: That being said, I never felt persecuted for the way that I voted until the Donald Trump era. Before then, it was a personal choice. The most heat coming from political dissent would be a mutual concurrence to "agree to disagree".

Then suddenly, in the past eight years, the dissidence became so very Black and White. So, Evil vs. Good. So, Us vs Them.

Lines drawn in the sand. Brick walls assembled between families. All because of one man. An enemy to some. A saint to others. The most polarizing character I've witnessed in my lifetime.

I'm having trouble understanding and have a genuine curiosity about our differences. These questions are not meant to incite anger or defensiveness. I just truly want to hear these answers as a sincere dialogue to understand one another better. 

My Questions for You:

    1.)    Do Trump's Christian supporters truly accept that he is a fellow Believer? Without citing Ecclesiastes 3:17, James 4:12, or any other verses about how it isn't our place to judge another's true faith. I know the Bible as well as you, so we can skip that part. But, I also see posts about how he is God's choice for our nation. The Christian leader we have been in need of. I'm just asking, what is it about his persona screams "CHRISTIANITY" and makes him seen as the moral leader of our time for some?

    2.)    Trump supporters of other faiths. How do you feel he represents you?

    3.)    Trump supporters of other races. How do you feel he represents you?

    4.)    For those I've churched with who have judged me for wearing mini skirts and having kissed boys before being married, Can you forgive my short-comings as easily as you've forgiven his crimes? Do you show the same level of forgiveness to family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors and others in your daily life? Or, is it not a matter of forgiveness, just acceptance?

    5.)    Are you a true supporter of Trump? Or was your vote just a 'Lesser of Two Evils" situation? Or a matter of not wanting to cross party lines? I've definitely cast those type of votes in the past.

    6.)    If "yes" to Question 5? Is there anything he could do that would cause him to lose your support? For example, not following through on a campaign promise. Or, anything within the gamut of paying for a lover's abortion to the solicitation of murder. Is there a line where you walk away if he crosses it? Or are you fully invested in his authority for the next four years?

    7.)    For those voting solely for the Pro-Life candidate: Are you okay with the extreme abortion laws implemented in places like Texas? Would you be okay with your state following suit? Have you ever been in a position to have to choose? Have you ever needed a medical D&C for a miscarriage or other feminine medical issue? Do you consider D&C procedures as falling under the realm of abortion?

    8.)    Regarding LGBTQ rights. With Trump in office, will this lessen the exposure of your children to lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals, transgenders, or queers/questionings? How do you think this exposure will affect your children? How has gay marriage or domestic partners receiving marital benefits rights personally affected you or your household?

    9.) "Patriots": What would your feelings be if the Democrats choose to stage an insurrection against The Capitol or other government building next January? What difference do you see between "Conservative" and "Liberal" protests? Has your view of January 6, 2024 changed at all in the past year?

    10.) Will Trump's age affect his ability to serve as Commander in Chief? I was relieved at Biden's decision to drop of out this year's race for that very reason. Based on recent Trump speeches and behaviors, it has caused me to have the same concerns with him being only three years Biden's junior.

    11.) Do you have any questions for me?

Let My People "Go"

I did something rebellious this week.  I'm an American Christian and I shopped at Target!

I've been avoiding the whole "bathroom issue" on social media for as long as I possibly could. (Which, trust me, I'm usually the initiator of all things potty talk. This showed great restraint on my part.)

Then, this week, "the" letter from the White House was published and a whole new influx of ignorance exploded online.

Well, if the noisy minority gets to have their say, then I justly have equal rights to voice my common sense, er... opinion.

I'm obviously referring the issue of where transgender folk are allowed to pee. 

If I were reading that sentence from the eyes of any other generation, past or future, my first thought would be, "Is this what has come of the great America?! They've become so sparse on things to be offended by that they tried to take away a human's right to vacate their bowels and bladders?" 

And, yes. My past/future self would be correct. Apparently, that is what this nation has come to.

Well, I can sense that the imaginary blood pressure meter I've connected to this blog post is starting to rise through the roof. But, stick with me. I've suffered through your opinions for long enough. Take a quiet moment to sit through mine.

Here are some things to consider on this issue:

Everybody pees: The missed point of those opposing the right to choose which restroom one identifies with, is that the whole topic exists because people need to pee and poop. Whatever spin you're putting on this debate is simply spin. Any imagined fear over what else may possibly happening in public restrooms makes me wonder if you've ever set foot in one. Everybody poops. Everybody's got to do it somewhere.

That's not how bathrooms work: It seems that the women's room is the facility that is worrying protesters the most. As a woman who frequents a female potty multiple times daily, let me address this fear for those who have never had a peek in there.

To the men who stand at urinals, with their junk on display for all to see, know this: The women's room has nothing but stalls.

Here's an additional anatomy lesson for you: We have to sit down for anything we do in there. We don't have urinals. We don't see each others private parts. We're behind closed doors for the entire show. And, those doors even lock! This is why someone may feel safer in here. It's a private space. 

Something else to consider: Any new rules or regulations have not made your children "rapist bait" any more than they were before, because they aren't in there alone! Mothers don't allow that. Many mothers even have their sons in there because some men don't want to be bothered with that chore. If we want to start a protest, how about "Equal Shares of Diaper-Changing Duties Between Dads and Moms"? Because your toddler is crawling under my private stall.

How would you even know? Last I checked (yesterday) there was no bouncer at the women's room door. No one was signing in pee-ers by driver's license or birth certificate. And, I'm so thankful that no one was checking for proof of genitalia to register my toilet use. I had to go! I didn't have time any of that nonsense. And, you know what? I didn't even see another living soul in the 90 seconds it took to do my business. If I had, would I have even known their "true" gender? Probably not. They've been peeing somewhere for all these years and have succeeded at being discreet about it. 

Laws and written rules allowing fairness are not legalizing sexual assault: Let me now address those who swear up and down that they're not discriminating against transgenders, but against those who are pretending to be. 1.) Are you really? 2.) Because, that really doesn't seem to be the case. 3.) This is the strangest attempt at trying to sound politically correct I've ever come across.

Let's just call a spade a spade. You're uncomfortable with the idea of a human being "spayed". (Come on! At least give me credit for the pun!)

It's the twenty-first century and it's high time we stop being intimidated by everything that's different than yourself. So, you don't understand it? That's okay! I don't wholly either. I was born female and identify as female, so it's not a topic I've had to struggle through. You can either choose to educate yourself on the topic or choose to ignore it. But, what you can't do is take away the human rights of someone, just because you don't understand them or agree with their way of life.

Most crimes involving transgenders are ones where they are the victim. This is the issue at hand here. Allowing someone to relieve themselves in a safe and private environment. This does not make it legal for any man in a dress to army crawl underneath stalls peeking and touching at whatever he pleases. If someone really tries this, he will be kicked in the face by a high heeled shoe! Dumb move. Illegal move. He's going to jail.  

Maybe you're the perv: Who's dreaming up these scenarios, anyhow? And, aren't they kind of the perverts in this debate? The people who really scare me are the ones so vocal about who they think is in the next stall and what they think they're up to in there.

Why is your imagination going to such places? Are you having sex or doing questionable things in public bathrooms? If not, why do you assume that anyone else is? The only people I'm now worried about in the restroom, are the ones who are going to be taking it upon themselves to police the joint. I don't want anyone sizing me up and deciding whether they think I'm dainty enough to be a "real girl". I'm not the most delicate flower. Your assumptions may exclude me from using the women's room and I'm not okay with that.

This seems like a repeat of the homophobic rants I'd witnessed when gay marriage was the hot button topic of the day. "They're perverts!" "Do you realize what they do?" "It's disgusting!"

The simple answer to that is: Well, then, stop thinking about it so much!

For the record, I'm not picturing any of you in sexual scenarios with your spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends or lovers. So, why dwell so publicly on fantasies of what you think the people you're offended by are doing behind closed doors? That's between them, their partners and the Lord. 

You're not welcome into anyone else's bedroom or bathroom stall. When tempted to "preach" your opinions of others, take a moment to pause and focus on what the Bible preaches first: "...Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (Philippians 4:8)

God doesn't want us wasting so much time imagining what we think are the sins of sinners. Remember, "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) We're all in the same boat. Do you want me dwelling on whatever I think you've been up to in your lifetime? Let's give each other a break and the benefit of the doubt. 

What Would Jesus Do? The most frightening part of this debate is the attempt to spin this into a Christian issue. Any church of any denomination trying to stir their congregation up into a frenzy over this has me in great fear over the reputation of all Christians. If you're a part of any religious ministry, you should already know this verse well: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Your responsibility is to teach, guide and encourage your flock. Not to rustle up fear and anger amongst them. Teaching the Word is a great responsibility and God is watching very closely the example you lay forth. "My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment." (James 3:1) And, speaking of judgement, we all know what the Bible says about that not being our job either. (Romans 14:13, Matthew 7:1-5, Luke 6:37, James 4:11-12... shall I go on?) 

We all can agree that indoor plumbing did not exist in biblical times. There's no mention of bathroom matters in the Bible, so don't pretend that this is a biblical topic. They had to go wherever they went back then and I can venture to guess that it was a lot less private than the stalls you're so worried about today.

What we do know, though, is how Jesus treated others. He asked us to show more love to others than we show for ourselves. We can't do this by inciting fear. We're not doing this by regulating others' bodily functions. We're not showing this when we're misrepresenting Christianity on social media and in our political discussions. America has guaranteed us our freedom of speech. Be cautious of how you use this right. If you're going to throw the Bible on a topic, be sure you're taking note of who's words you're quoting, their context, and who you're representing in your statements.

It breaks my heart that there are people who hate Christians, just because they have come into contact with someone who has been misrepresenting us. Don't form a belief just because a pastor or teacher told you it was the right one. Don't repeat an opinion if you're not truly convicted of it. Your church leaders aren't your only spiritual resource. Search Scripture on your own if something doesn't sound right. Go to the Lord yourself in prayer for guidance if you're unsure. All humans are flawed. Pastors make mistakes and speak out of turn sometimes too. Don't be a blind follower. Because, blind followers who are vocal become false prophets. 

Target is the Bomb: Let's face it. If Target was clubbing baby seals in their restrooms, I'd probably still shop there. It's the closest grocery store to my house and they have the lowest prices on dairy in town.

You can disagree with me. You can unfriend me on Facebook, unfollow me on Twitter, or gossip about me in the gender-assigned restroom of your choosing. But, please, do me a favor and save your breath with me on this topic.

Whatever you say, whoever you vote for and whatever on earth you choose to believe, you will never ever convince me to be afraid to pee. 

The Pride of Worrying

I've never labeled myself as being a prideful person. To me "pride" was always depicted in the egomaniacal braggy braggart types. Pride is sinful. Pride is to be abhorred. Pride leads to ruin (Proverbs 16:18). Pride will get you nowhere (Proverbs 26:12). Pride is a sign of very high self-esteem. So this couldn't be me, since my self-esteem resides somewhere between your shoes and the door mat.

But, it turns out I am prideful. Maybe not in the Webster's Dictionary sense of the word, but in a deceitfully hidden offshoot definition of the term. You see, I'm a worrier.

Worry might seem like the antonym of pridefulness to the naked eye but, if you look a little closer (like all of us worriers tend to do), you'll see exactly what I mean. 

When doing my Bible study yesterday morning, I realized that worry produces the very "Me! Me! Me!" mentality that we often use when describing egomaniacs. "How is this going to effect me?", "I can't do this.", "This is just too much for me to handle." Worry, worry, worry. It may not be boastful in the very least, but it's certainly a preoccupation with self.

I'm a champion worrier from a world-class bloodline of them. People who say they strive on stress are an enigma to me. Stress just gives me the scoots! I've always strove to pursue the simple life depicted in I Thessalonians 4:11, "...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands..." That's the loveliest of prospects to me. Favor calmness, mind your business and keep busy. But, being the champion worrier that I am, I can even screw up the simple life.

Someone once told me that I handled a certain life-or-death situation that our family once faced so well and that I was so strong during this time. I was flattered, but this comment also left me stunned. Mainly because my memory of the same event had me running to the bathroom to throw up the entire contents of my stomach and then praying as fervently as a new convert on death row, because I didn't know what else to do. What this person witnessed was actually just God's answer to my sloppy prayers. My being numb by fear, producing the image of calm and His granting of that Peace That Passes All Understanding that held me upright and helped my legs to move forward and my spirit not to faint.

The Peace That Passes All Understanding has been God's greatest gift to me during the hardest points in my life. But, I seem to let it slip away during the typical day to day needs. My habit of worrying is the ultimate peace-blocker. I don't know why I choose to overanalyze and worry over the simplest things. And, yes, it's a choice! Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

My current worry, of course, is my job search. When the office I worked for closed down in February, it was a very stressful time but also a release into freedom. I had become frustrated in working the same position for eleven years straight and all upward mobility had begun to slide backward. I was granted seventeen weeks of severance and I saw it as a time to unwind, relax, pursue creative endeavors and then eventually pursue a new career path.

Now that I'm down to my last six weeks of mini-retirement, the pressure is on to figure all of this out and quick. I cringe at listings resembling anything to do with my last position, but find those are the only positions that I'm qualified for with the job market in my area being very sparse. The spirit of common sense would remind me that I liked my job and that it wasn't until the wheels of the office closure were set into motion that my job duties started being taken away and reassigned to other offices, leaving me frustrated. And, all of those other industries that seemed so appealing at the time, merely on the fact of being different, now turn out to be much less intriguing upon further research. It's time for big life decisions. And, those are the kind I have no idea how to make.

Instead, I worry that I'll finally get into a new job and end up hating it. I worry that I'll spend a decade at the next place and wind up frustrated again. I worry that my new boss will be mean, that my new coworkers will be gossipy, that I will be sexually harassed, that I won't like the hours, that I won't get good medical coverage, that my breaks won't be at convenient times to accommodate my Hypoglycemia... The list goes on and on and gets more ridiculous as it goes. But, the biggest worry of all is that I can't see the future and that's scary.

The curse of having a colorful imagination is that you will find incredible ways to misuse it. I haven't once overthought the possibility of being overpaid, meeting nice people, having flexibility in new roles, learning something not only new, but interesting. Why is it that those thoughts don't come as easily? I'd like to blame the hardwiring, but knowing that The One who wired me does not want any of us to think that way, I have to take the credit. Or blame. Me. Me. Me. Me!

So moving forward I'd like to welcome Peace into my life, all day, every day. Not just during the hard times or when I realize that I need it. I'd like to start to using my imagination for good and not evil. I'd like to pray more sloppy and emotionally, like I do in hard times, because it's at least sincere. And, I'm going to try to learn to choose not to worry. It will be a hard habit to break... but, my tummy will thank me.